i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
