If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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