i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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