i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
