Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
