i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we're so committed to being not committed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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