dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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