when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
