Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
