I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
