he puts the penis in happiness.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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