My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
