I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
