The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
