Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
