the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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