Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think my moral compass just broke
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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