Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
