i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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