I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
