somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
