i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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