You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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