Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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