The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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