Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
