Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
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trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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