So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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