Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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