Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
