Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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