i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
