New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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