I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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