you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
