No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
