Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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