True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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