I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
