i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
