She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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