dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
