Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
