I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
