we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
