There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
