You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
