oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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