If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
