Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
