just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
