As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
