youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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