That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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