As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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