so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
