Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
