i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
