two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
