And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
