Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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