And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
