hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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