After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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