Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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