thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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