a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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