I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
