I'm lost and stupid without you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
