Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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