He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
