I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
