this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
