it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
