I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had to cum in my sink.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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