the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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