I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
