I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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