I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
