It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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