Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
