Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
